


Before Our Spring

by yangaay



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hospitals, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Romance, TFiOS, Terminal Illnesses, side dotae - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:09:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23642863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yangaay/pseuds/yangaay
Summary: Johnny finds an interest in one of his father’s patients: Moon Taeil, who’s being worn down with his rare heart condition — a shy charming but blunt boy who’s always whining for pork belly and attention, Johnny can’t stay away.
Relationships: Johnil - Relationship, Moon Taeil/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 19
Kudos: 47





	1. Heart of Jesus

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Welcome to my second johnil work! Please be sure to read the note at the end of this chapter hehe enjoy!

Changmin gently places his guitar on the plastic chair, “we have gathered around here, in the heart of Jesus.” Taeil shakes his head, this is the lamest thing he could be doing. They’re having a meeting in the basement of the church, how can this possibly be the _heart_? 

“Who would like to share their story with the group?” Changmin spoke out. The basement is filled with sick people, Taeil is one of them. All of them seem really young. 

“Jooe, 15, lymphoma”

“Yunho, 19, Ewing sarcoma”

“Well, I’m Changmin, 30, testicular, it all started a few years ago, when…” Taeil watches, bored, as Changmin continues. To spare the gruesome details, they found the cancer in his balls, the doctors had to cut it out, he almost died but he didn’t, and now he’s here -- single, friendless and doing god’s work. 

“We’re here for you Changmin.” 

Taeil says it the least enthusiastically. He locks eyes with his only friend in the support group, a small brown-haired boy that has both sharp and soft features with beautiful tan skin, Lee Donghyuck, who’s also shaking his head. 

“Who else would like to share?” No response. “Taeil?” _oh no_ , Taeil mumbled to myself. Changmin gestures for him to speak but he reluctantly stands and sighs. 

“I’m, uh, Taeil, 22 and hypertrophic cardiomyopathy.” Nothing more to say, Taeil is about to sit down when Changmin asks, “and how are you doing Taeil?”

He has no idea how to answer that. It takes him a while to answer, “I’m okay? I guess?” Donghyuck tries not to laugh at the situation as Taeil sits back down. 

“We’re here for you, Taeil.” 

Taeil exhales, _this isn’t helpful at all_. 

Changmin picks up his guitar and says, “Now I’ll play a song…” 

〰 

_2 weeks ago_

_Doyoung and Taeil are at the doctor's office to speak about Taeil’s behavior. The old man with grey hair sits across from the boys, a confused expression appears on his face. Doyoung has decided that Taeil’s depressed._

_“I’m not depressed.”_

_Doyoung begins to explain, “he barely eats, he barely leaves the house. If he does leave, it’s to attend his classes or some school activities if we’re lucky,”_

_“I’m not depressed.”_

_“He watches the same tv show over and over”_

_Doctor Seo speaks up, “He’s depressed.”_

_Taeil looks at him in disbelief. Through the years that he’s been Dr. Seo’s patient, he never thought he would take Doyoung’s side. Taeil doesn’t think he has depression. Scratch that, he knows he’s not depressed. He has done his research, medical websites listed depression as a side effect for terminal illness. To Taeil, depression’s not a side effect of a terminal illness._

_Taeil snaps back to reality and Doyoung continues to talk to Dr. Seo._

_“There are days he won’t even get out of bed. Not even to use the restroom.”_

_Dr. Seo lightly taps his fingers on the desk as he reviews Taeil’s folder, thinking. “I may switch your prescription. And twice a day instead of once.”_

_Taeils sighs and mumbles, “Keep them coming.”_

_“Have you been going to that support group I suggested?”_

_Taeil doesn’t answer. “He’s gone a few times. Like 3-5 times already.”_

_“It’s not for me.”_

_“Well, if you’re depressed -”_

_“I’m not!” Taeil’s exasperated from having to clarify he’s not depressed for the hundredth time._

_Doyoung puts his hand on Taeils thigh, whispering, “Calm down.”_

_“Support groups are a great way to connect with people who are going through the same path as you.”_

_Taeil scoffs, “Really?”_

_“Taeil.”_

_“Just give it another chance, alright? Not for Doyoung but for me and yourself.” Taeil rolls his eyes, he knows he lost this fight. Taeil has a soft spot in his heart for the doctor. How couldn’t he? He’s looked at him as a father figure the day he started treating Taeil. The relationship blossomed as Taeil continued on his journey._

〰 

Doyoung sits in the car parked in the church's parking lot, scrolling through social media, waiting for the group session to be over. He promised Taeil he wouldn’t wait but he still did. He hears voices coming from the front of the church and puts his phone away, unlocking the car doors. Taeil comes out. 

Doyoung rolls down the windows and yells “get in!” as Taeil gets in and starts putting on his seatbelt. “Well… How was it?” Taeil just exhales and goes on his phone. 

Taeil hasn’t fully forgiven Doyoung for the situation from two weeks ago. He understands why he did it but Taeil’s capable of taking care of himself. He hates when people feel pity for him, he hates the idea of being seen as “the _depressed_ fragile boy with a rare heart condition.”

As Doyoung’s pulling into the driveway, Taeil speaks up “I’m sorry.” 

“For what?”

“I don’t know,” he scoffs, “I’m sorry for giving you the silent treatment when you put me in this support group so it’ll help me get better. You always have to deal with me and take care of me when I’m the oldest. I just -”

Doyoung grabs his hand and gives it a squeeze, “Taeil” he stops talking and looks at the younger, “it’s okay.” They see Taeyong on the porch and both boys get out of the car. Doyoung goes straight to Taeyong, placing a small kiss on his lips. Taeil shoots them a playful glance filled with disgust. 

“Get a room,” Taeil says as he speed walks into the living room and sits on the couch before Taeyong gets the chance to smack his shoulder. 

Taeil has no idea how he got lucky to have two amazing best friends. Taeyong’s a sweet, gamer boy and very alive kind of guy. He has always tried to get Taeil out of his comfort zone. Doyoung is the more mature friend, always looking out for Taeil and Taeyong. After years of pinning, Taeyong and Doyoung finally got together 2 years ago. Taeil couldn’t be happier for his best friends, they deserve each other and to be happy. The three have been together since they were little kids. Doyoung and Taeyong are head over heels for Taeil and are willing to do anything in their power to keep him safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, you have finished the first chapter! I know this story will definitely be-long with a lot of chapters. It’s going to take some time to develop mostly because I don’t want it to seem rushed. I hope this story can bring different feelings and there may be things that put a sting in your heart hehe. I want to start by saying, I am in no way romanticizing what Taeil or some of the characters suffer from. I was inspired by TFIOS but it will have some differences. Feel free to leave suggestions and nice comments. I will be going back to revise and make it better. 
> 
> Small note: as the story develops, I will be adding tags and trigger warnings!
> 
> Enjoy! :)


	2. Doughnuts

Taeil focuses his attention on the TV that’s playing the lion king as he stuffs his mouth with his favorite non-sugar cereal that Doyoung forces him to eat every morning. He absolutely hates the taste, he craves something that’s sweeter but he takes what he can get. He starts tearing up when he hears Simba say, “Dad, come on. You gotta get up! Dad, we gotta go home.” 

“Scar’s insane and sick, I will make him pay for the pain he caused,” Taeil says as he wipes his tears with his sweater. 

Taeyong chuckles, “Woah there tiger.” 

“I’m being serious! How can he -”

Taeil’s interrupted by his phone buzzing twice.

[ **From: Nurse Seo** ]

Good morning, Taeil! This a reminder that 

you have an appointment with Dr. Seo today 

at 11 am. Please be on time. 

[ **From: Nurse Seo** ]

Can’t wait to see you! I really missed you, Taeil :)

[ **To: Nurse Seo** ]

Hahaha thank you for the reminder! 

And I miss you tooooo.

Taeil locks his phone after hitting send. He sighs and takes his bowl to the sink, “Who was it?” He hears Taeyong ask from the living room. “Nurse Seo reminded me about today’s appointment,” answering the question before heading to his room to get ready. 

Taeyong follows him into the room, “How are Mr. and Mrs. Seo?” 

Taeil takes off his sweater, “They’re good. I barely get to see Mrs. Seo nowadays though.”

It’s endearing to know that Dr. Seo and Mrs. Seo work at the same hospital and both treat Taeil. He’s known the married couple for as long as he can remember. Doctors and Nurses get told not to get attached to their patients but they already broke that rule. Taeil sees them as parent figures more than his biological parents. He doesn’t really get a chance to see Mrs. Seo unless he’s hospitalized or “volunteering” at the hospital. 

By volunteering, it’s just playing around with the younger patients or distracting Jungwoo, who’s actually there to volunteer. Taeil gets scolded for playing rough knowing his condition but he doesn’t pay attention to them. He likes to make the kids feel happy and normal. Taeil knows how it feels to have people treat you like you could break at any second. People constantly walking on eggshells and limiting things. 

His thoughts are interrupted by Taeyong removing the wires that are attached to his body. Taeyong helps him get ready every morning while Doyoung’s at work. Then in the afternoon, Doyoung keeps an eye on Taeil and runs errands. They have developed a working system through the years and it’s flawless. 

“Do you need me to go to the appointment with you? I have to meet up with my group today and -”

“Nah. You can just drop me off.” 

“Okay,” giving Taeil a faint smile, “But -”

“I won’t tell Doyoung” Taeil smirks. If Doyoung ever found out that Taeyong left Taeil by himself, he would rip his head off and wouldn’t hear the end of it. 

Taeyong sighs in relief, “Thank you.” 

〰 

Taeil enters the hospital and starts walking towards the elevator. He sees someone holding the doors for him and walks in, whispering a small thank you. He looks at the person and it’s an extremely beautiful boy. Tall, muscular, straight short black hair, brown colored eyes. Taeil has never seen a better-looking boy in his life. That’s a lie, he grew up with Taeyong but it’s not the same. This boy looks like his dream guy. 

“No problem.” He gives Taeil a wan smile. For a brief moment, the Earth stops. Taeil’s still studying the boy's face features, completely speechless. The boy catches him staring and Taeil quickly looks away as his cheeks and ears turn a bright pink. A small chuckle escaped from the beautiful boy’s lips. 

The elevator dings and the doors open, without thinking Taeil shuffles out the elevator as fast as he can and looks for the nearest bathroom. He catches his breath and shakes his head. He takes time to think to himself,  _ That was embarrassing, Moon Taeil _ . He exits the bathroom and realizes that he’s on the wrong floor. He facepalms and takes the stairs instead. Doyoung would kill him for this. 

After a while, Taeil arrives on the correct floor. He spots Jungwoo talking with Mrs. Seo, he feels excitement. He didn’t know what to do, he wanted to run, to shout, and bounce off the walls. 

“JUNGWOO AND MRS. SEO” 

Taeil yelled in excitement as he rushed to them. They both turned their heads towards his direction, Jungwoo’s face was filled with worry and told him to stop running. Meanwhile, Mrs. Seo showed anger in her eyes. He embraced them in a tight hug. 

“Taeil. You can’t be running or getting too excited like that,” she says as her face softens, “you could’ve bumped into someone and you could’ve hurt yourself. I worry about you.” He felt a bit annoyed but didn’t show it. He smiles, “I know. I’ll be more careful.” A lie. He knew he’d do it again anyway.

“I have to do rounds right now but I will see you after your appointment,” Mrs. Seo looks at her wristwatch, “Jungwoo please keep an eye on this five-year-old. Bye.” 

Taeil playfully rolls his eyes, saying bye to the older women. Taeil and Jungwoo start walking down the dull narrow hallway, as he tells him about the elevator guy. Jungwoo just lets out a small laugh when Taeil’s telling his over-exaggerated story. “God, Jungwoo you should’ve seen how beautiful he was. It’s like my heart stopped working,” Jungwoo just shoots him a stern look, “I’m kidding, lighten up.” 

They enter the hospital's playroom for children who are patients. A few kids turn their attention to the entrance expecting the doctors to call them over but their eyes light up when they see it’s Taeil. He chatters and observes, giggling and joking with the younger children. 

After 30 minutes, Jungwoo has to leave to help prepare lunch for patients. Taeil looks around to make sure Jungwoo is out of sight before grabbing the nerf guns and waving them in the air, an evil grin plastered on his face asking the older kids, “Who’s ready to play hide n seek but with guns?”

After explaining the game and rules to new players and the smaller kids, he looked out the room to make sure the hallway was clear from nurses and doctors. He gave the kids a signal that the coast was clear, soon the kids exited the room like ants. 

The game has been going on for a while now. So far three kids have been disqualified because they were either shot or caught by the nurses. Taeil gets his phone out to check the time,  _ 10:50 am _ , he still has time to finish the game and win. He shoves his phone away when he hears the elevator ding, he quickly gets the nerf gun ready to shoot. 

The elevator doors and he shoots his victim twice, “HAHA! Got you,” Taeil yells and mischievously laughs as he comes out of his hiding spot. 

“OW!” the boy yells, losing his balance as the nerf bullets come in contact with his eyes and neck causing the box of doughnuts to fall on the floor. Taeil froze to the spot, realizing what he did and got a better look at the victim, it’s the boy from earlier. His legs refused to move, too embarrassed at what he caused. He snaps out of the moment when the taller boy starts looking around, Taeil turns around and starts jogging from the scene. He hears the boy yell “HEY! YOU STOP RUNNING!” 

Taeil stops to catch his breath after going up the stairs to the next floor. He starts feeling dizzy and light-headed but doesn’t think much of it. He pulls out his phone to check the time,  _ 10:58 am, shit _ . 

〰 

Taeil has his back leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. He’s waiting for Jungwoo to get on his lunch break but groans in annoyance when another volunteer tells him he’s going to take longer to finish. Taeil decides to go to the breakroom to see if they still have his favorite drink. He enters and sees the boy from earlier, head resting on the desk with paperwork scatter. He tiptoes his way over to the fridge, laughing at the container of orange juice with the label:

“ _ MOON TAEIL. ONE GLASS A DAY _ .”

Taeil took one glance at it, before removing off the cap and let out a “fuck yea!” and lifting the jug to drink directly from it. It’s gross but he doesn't know when he’ll be able to drink orange juice. Taeil eyes look at the boy, who’s still resting, and back down to the papers on the table. His eyes squinted as he tries to read off of the paper, he didn’t mean to lean forward, but there was a title in big bold: “ **LAB-REPORT** ”

He hears a voice in front of him, “Can I help you?”

Taeil looks away from the paper and back at the boy, “Nope,” as he puts the jug back into the fridge. “Are you back to shoot me?” The boy scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. Taeil raised an eyebrow, amused with the boy in front of him. 

“You gonna tell on me?” his tongue darts out to wet his lips, hands running strictly through his hair. The boy squinted at him, looking Taeil up and down. The boy thought the older one looked a bit silly, but he knew Taeil had beautiful thighs, no doubt there. 

Taeil speaks up again, “I never got to introduce myself…” 

“No need, I'm not really supposed to be associating myself with my parent’s patients.” The boy titled his head to smile, before opening his laptop.

_ Parents? Who are his parents? And why the hell can’t he be associated with me? _

Taeil slightly frowns, slouching his shoulders in pure disappointment. The disinterest from the taller didn’t stop Taeil, “Was your hypothesis proven correct?” the other froze at the mention of his lab report. 

“You’re looking at my things?” anger and annoyance escaped the boys' tongue, causing Taeil to gulp for a second. 

“You left it on the table…”

“Talk to me again, and I’ll make your life a living hell…” the boy spat out, his face fell soft at the sight of Taeil looking offended. The boy knew he shouldn’t have said anything. He didn’t mean it but his lack of sleep, and his stress levels are so high that he let it slip from his mouth. 

“Okay.”

Taeil exits the room, slamming the door on his way out, leaving the boy a regretting mess. 

〰

It’s not that Taeil’s an introvert, it’s just that... Well he is an introvert. He’s spending another Friday night on the L-Shaped couch watching Crayon Shin-Chan. His mind kept replaying the encounter with the boy from yesterday. What a jerk. A cute, tall jerk. Taeil hated that he’s still interested. 

“It’s Friday night.” 

Taeil focuses his attention on Doyoung and Taeyong who sit on the other side, watching him but trying not to make it seem that way. 

“Hmm?” before focusing back on the animation. 

“I was thinking…You should call Jungwoo or maybe Donghyuck, see what they’re up to.” 

Taeil doesn’t seem interested in going out tonight, “That’s okay.”

Doyoung and Taeyong just look at one another without saying anything. Taeyong decides to speak up, “Wanna see a movie?” Taeil looks away from the TV, looking at the couple. His face lights up when he gets an idea, “Why don’t you guys go to a movie?”

“You haven’t been out in a while. Go. Have fun.”

Doyoung hangs his head from defeat, he looks back at Taeyong for backup, “Okay, how about we go to Taeil’s favorite Japanese steak house and then to the arcade?” Doyoung perks up, “Yes! You and your galaxy brain are so sexy!” excitedly giving Taeyong’s cheek a small kiss before pulling Taeil off the couch. He sighs and just like that, everyone goes out the door and into the car. 

Taeil might be a boy with a weak heart but he still knew how to hold a rifle controller, squeezing the trigger. Taeyong watched in awe, as Taeil shot the zombies that stepped through the doorway only barely making a step before he blew them apart. The adrenaline coursing through his veins, as his hand trembled and yelled in victory, “HELL YEAH”

Taeil felt a sharp pain on his chest, he started feeling a little dizzy and held onto Taeyong’s shoulder to help him balance. Taeyong realizes what’s happening, “Are you okay?” No response. “Hyung, answer me.” No response, Taeil just puts his hand over his chest as it’ll help prevent the pain. “Okay, just stay calm. Doyoung’s coming back in a bit,” Taeyong tried not to panic, he’d never experienced this. It has always been Doyoung to know more about Taeil’s condition. His eyesight blurred. Everything became fuzzy; then he saw nothing. His consciousness floated through an empty space, his heartbeat pounded loudly, echoing in his ears, alongside the pleas for help. 

“Taeil, stay with us.”

That’s what he heard before his body drained away and completely blacked out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe, here’s chapter two! don’t worry johnil interaction will happen, i promise! let me know what you think :)


	3. Regret

Youngho sat on the uncomfortable hospital chair located in the main waiting area on the first floor as he continued typing up his lab report. He took a break to unlock his phone, expecting a message from Jaehyun or his younger brother, Mark. It’s 9 pm on a Friday night and the boredom is eating him alive but he has to finish this report before 11:59 pm. Throughout the day, Youngho has been jumping from room to room; he starts in his father's office, then the breakroom, and now the waiting area. 

He spots a familiar face by the hospital entrance, Jaehyun. He’s about to yell the younger's name when another boy runs to Jaehyun and hugs him. He squinted his eyes to get a better look and see it’s Jungwoo. Youngho’s face is washed with confusion, and sees that they start kissing and that’s enough for him to look away. A small smile played on his lips, _Jungwoo and Jaehyun_.

Not even ten minutes pass by when he hears the automatic glass doors slide open and multiple loud footsteps come storming in, with a taller black-haired boy yelling for help. He looks at the other boy next to him who has sharper face features than the first boy. He examines both of them and realizes that the second boy is holding someone who's smaller, bride style. Before he can see who it is, the nurses come in with a gurney and block his view. He sees Jungwoo and Jaehyun rush over where the scene was happening, it intrigued him even more. 

He hears Jungwoo say, “Get Dr. Seo,” to one of the nurses. 

Everything was happening too quickly, the nurses placed the boy onto the gurney and Youngho gets the chance to get a glimpse of the face before they disappear. It’s the boy from the elevator, the boy that shot him, the boy he exploded on in the breakroom. His heart immediately drops to the ground, regret starts to wash over him again like a long slow wave on a shallow beach. 

Nobody knew about the incident, maybe Jaehyun but Jaehyun doesn’t know that’s the boy. Youngho regretted everything the second the words, “ _I’ll make your life a living hell_ ” escaped his mouth. He felt pressure, he was trying to meet a deadline and took the boys words the wrong way. He’s sensitive when people read or critique his work unless it’s his parents. He moved from his seat and went up to Jaehyun who was trying to comfort Jungwoo. 

Youngho lightly taps his shoulder, “Hey, what’s happening?”

Jaehyun turns around, “Oh!” surprised to see Youngho at the hospital, “hey what are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same,” he looks down at Jungwoo and back at Jaehyun. Jungwoo’s burn up and leaves to check up on the two boys that came in with the _Nerf-Gun_ boy. Youngho thought it would be a suitable nickname.

“Jungwoo and I were going to meet up to um,” he pauses, “to work on our project.”

“A project? That requires you to make out in a hospital?” Youngho teases him. Jaehyun blushed, embarrassed that he got caught. He laughs and reasks him the question, “so, what’s happening?”

“Oh yeah,” Jaehyun says, “ we were on our way to the car when Jungwoo recognized the boys that were rushing into the entrance. He froze and looked like he could break at any moment.”

Youngho nods, “do you know who the boy is?”

“Nope. Jungwoo has mentioned having a sick friend but didn’t go into details since it’s not his business to tell others,” the younger answers, “and it’s not ours either.”

Jaehyun’s right, it’s not their business. It’s not Youngho’s business. Although he’s stated he’s not allowed to associate himself with his parent’s patient, is a lie, Youngho can’t help but feel curious about the boy. Why is he in and out of the hospital? Why was he carrying a Nerf-Gun? Why is he obsessed with orange juice? He wants to get to know the boy but the first thing he has to do is apologize. 

His mom came down to the waiting room and walked up to Youngho, who was still on the laptop trying to finish revising. She shakes her head, “Youngho.” He looks up, sending her a gentle smile. She strokes his hair, “Go home. Your dad and I will see you in an hour, we have to take care of something.”

He knows she’s talking about the boy. He nods and closes his laptop, giving his mom a kiss on the cheek before leaving the unfamiliar environment. He turns around to have one last glance at his mother who's making her way towards the two boys, just one. 

ღ

Taeil slowly opens his eyes and blinks. The sunlight penetrates the window and blinds him. He looks around the spacious, familiar room, the walls are still simply cream. No decoration at all except the stickers next to the cabinet. He’s back in his hospital room. He sits up and sees Doyoung sleeping in an uncomfortable position on the tiny chair. He rubs his knuckles against his eyes as he attempts to get off the bed but sees the IVs and heart monitor attached to him. He loudly groans, waking Doyoung up. 

“Hyung,”

Taeil lays back down, flashing the younger a nervous smile, “Heeeey how are you? Did you sleep well? Loving weather we’re having, am I right?” he tries to distract the younger one from what he was attempting to do. Doyoung’s shoulders were slumped, his mouth was set in a semi-pout, “please don’t scare us like that again.” 

“What happened?”

“You blacked out at the arcade. When I held you in the car, I felt your heart stop,” Doyoung’s voice cracks, “I don’t know. It was scary. I knew you were going to be okay, you always make it out okay. It’s just one minute you were having fun and the next you were gone.”

Doyoung’s fiddling with his fingers and looks back up at the older boy. Taeil can see the tears forming, seeing the pain in Doyoung’s eyes. He hates this, he hates when his friends cry over him. He bit on his lips, attempting to block any sound to escape his mouth. Tail extends his arms so he can embrace the younger into a hug, “Don’t cry, Doyoung. You look ugly.”

Doyoung chuckles against Taeil’s chest and gently smacks him. He leaves the dull room to go home and change, he tells Taeil that Taeyong should be here in a bit. He soon hears a knock on the door, the door is being pushed open and a familiar voice their arrival: Dr. Seo. 

The older man stands next to the bed, “What’s up, sleepyhead?” he jokes as he ruffles Taeil’s hair up.

“Oh fuc-”

Taeil couldn’t finish his sentence because he hears someone’s breath hitch. He turns his attention to the doorway, it’s the _Cute Tall Elevator Jerk_ from the break room looking like a lost puppy following its owner. Dr. Seo catches on and explains, “My son wanted to tag along and observe, if that’s okay.”

Oh so this is one of Dr. Seo’s sons. Taeil has never got the chance to meet the doctor's older son because he was always busy with school. Mrs. Seo would brag about how proud she was about him, it always brought a smile to Taeil’s face. Taeil was stupid to not caught on earlier, that the boy was the Seo’s son. He looked more like his mom than his dad. 

“Oh, yeah. Sure,” Taeil giggles.

“Youngho, this is my favorite patient,” he wants to say something but feels out of place. 

“Alright, Taeil. Sit up for me.”

The doctor maneuvers around to the other side of the bed, giving Youngho a better look at Taeil. He stares at the older boy, with brown hair poking around in different places. Pillow imprints on his cheek, and Youngho hates to admit it… but he’s cute. Youngho tunes out the voices as his eyes scan the boy’s body, attempting to figure out why he’s in a hospital bed in the first place. Nobody would share the information with him, no matter how much he negotiated or begged the nurses. 

He hears a, “- stay right there” from his father, before he slips out of the room, leaving Youngho alone. Taeil leans his head against the side of the bed, getting a better look at the boy. 

“You’re staring…”

Youngho’s eyes nearly fall out of his head hearing those words, “oh, I'm sorry… I was just… sorry.” Youngho trails off, he knows there’s no point in trying to come up with a random excuse. Taeil nods his head. The room is filled with an awkward silence. The older winces a little when he clears his throat. 

“Can you hand me that glass?” Taeil gently nods his head to the other side of the room and Youngho quickly picks up his feet to get the cup. He hands it to the boy in bed, barely grazing the boys freezing cold fingers. Youngho backs away, nearly knocking over an IV pole, it brings a smile to Taeil’s face. 

“You’re kinda clumsy for a tall dude.”

Youngho looks down at the floor when his father returns with another boy behind him, feeling relieved that he came back on time. Before they leave the room, he makes sure Taeil isn’t paying attention and leaves a bag of sour candies with a small note attached, on the chair.

Taeyong lays down next to Taeil, “that tall dude seems to be interested in you,” wiggling his eyebrows. 

Taeil scoffs, “Don’t speak nonsense.”

“I’m being serious!” Taeyong says in defense, “he left you candy with a note,” pointing to the chair. It brought Taeil a warm feeling, he could feel the inside of his stomach being tickled. He hides his smile and turns back to look at Taeyong, “hey do you think you can leave the room? I want to make a call.”

Taeyong nods, and leaves the room to give Taeil his privacy. 

He reaches for his phone and unlocks it. He checks if there are any missing calls or messages from two specific people. Zero from his parents. He presses on his mom’s contact and hits dial. 

_Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring Ring._

_Please leave a message after the tone._

Taeil sighs, “Hey mama… It’s Taeil. I just want to let you know that I’ve been feeling better and my heart’s doing well too! I know you and dad don’t like it when I talk about it, but I just figured you’d wanna know before Doyoung tells you. Doyoung and Taeyong have been doing good, Doyoung’s doing amazing at managing the bakery and Taeyong’s doing good in school. I’m still attending classes at the university and I do some online classes. I graduate in a few months, I really hope you guys can make it. For fucks sake, I hope I can make it. Please come see me or call me, if you have the chance… I love you.”

Taeil hangs up, locking his phone. He didn’t mean to let himself tear up after a boring day, but one tear met another. As much as he tried to hold it in, the pain came out like an uproar from his throat in the form of a silent scream. His mind went back to a memory with the spitting image of his parents, he absolutely hated it. 

_His father says, “We’ll be back soon, Taeil!! We’re going on a business trip for a while.” taking his left hand and bringing it to Taeil’s cheek._

_His mother spoke up, “be strong, continue your studies and make us proud!” she places kisses on his cheeks, pinching them. It brings him such happiness to his life._

_They were gone before he could say anything to them._

It had been months since their last encounter. Taeil feels pathetic wanting his parents' attention when he’s a grown man so he constantly reminds himself that they were just busy at work. They love him, right? His hands slid down the bed until the feeling of his cold sheets pricked his fingertips, he clenched his fists around it. He knew someone would be in soon to take his vitamins, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. His phone was buzzing, Doyoung wanted to face-time. He held down the power button, sending his phone into an off mode, before curling onto his side, a few pains spreading evenly across his chest. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!! sorry this chapter is short and crappy omgg


	4. Friends

Taeil awakens as the bright sun tilts gently through his window, shining across his exposed face. He groans at the sound of knocking against the wooden door, followed by a gentle hum. It’s Taeyong’s voice for sure, and Jungwoo and Donghyuck in the background. 

Donghyuck pushes through, “IL-HYUNG!” jumping on the older's bed. 

Taeil smiles, “Hyuckie!”

“Your breath smells,” he covers his nose as Taeil blows air his way. “You’re disgusting. Come on, let's get you to the bathroom,” Jungwoo helps him get off the bed and guide him to the bathroom to wash up. 

“You’re going to the support group today,” Taeyong says, as he starts making Taeil’s bed. 

“You can’t make me,” Taeil yells from the bathroom. 

“Of course we can, Doyoung and Dr. Seo can.”

“I’m not going,” Taeil frowns as he splashes water on his face. 

“Yes.”

“No, I can’t go. The meeting is in a church basement, or should I say the heart of Jesus,” he laughs, “and I can’t leave the hospital.”

Donghyuck nervously laughs, “about that… Changmin has decided to move the group sessions to this hospital.” Taeil’s eyes widen as he hears the news slip from Donghyuck’s lips. 

Taeil yells, “ARE YOU SERIOUS?” he’s about to storm out when Jungwoo firmly holds his biceps making him stop and reminds him of the monitor next to him. After he helps him freshen up, they head back into the bed. 

“What’s this?” Jungwoo waves the candy with the note. Taeil had completely forgotten about the small gesture after a long night of crying, “... Hand it over

“It’s a gift from Taeil’s loooover,” Taeyong teased. 

“He’s not,” the older hissed at the boy, “hand it over.” 

“Who’s Taeil-hyung’s lover?” Donghyuck wiggled his eyebrows, handing the gift to Taeil, who ignored the question. 

_Nerf-Gun Boy_

He softly chuckles, opening the note. 

_You have plenty of orange juice so I asked my mom and_

_the nurses and they said you love sour candies so…_

_I’m sorry. Please see me soon._

“Some tall guy, his legs were freakishly long, he looked like a male version of Mrs. Seo,” Taeil rolls his eyes as he hears Taeyong gossiping. The note brought a smile to his face, he looked at the candy, _sour patches_. 

“JOHNNY?” Donghyuck exclaimed. 

Taeil frowns, _Johnny? I thought his name was Youngho._

“Stop gossiping,” trying to open the candy but Taeyong takes it away, “You haven’t had breakfast.” he groans and throws a pillow at him. Taeil places the note under his other pillow, it’s a cute gesture but how is he going to get in contact with the other boy? 

〰 

Taeil sits in the Circle of Sick. 

Changmin asks, “Who would like to begin?” No volunteers. Taeil catches the sight of the _Hot Jerk_ \- he means Youngho, sitting next to Donghyuck. Youngho seems to be watching him, a flirty smile on his smile. Taeil self-consciously looks away.

Changmin tries to break the silence, “Donghyuck, I know you’re facing a challenging time. Perhaps you would like to say something…”

Donghyuck nodes, rises from his chair, “Yeah, umm… I’m Donghyuck. 17. Osteosarcoma. I’m having surgery in a couple of weeks. After which, I will lose this baby as a result,” he holds his right leg, “it’ll be a prosthetic..”

As Donghyuck’s sharing, Youngho doesn’t look away from Taeil. Taeil finds this intimidating and intimidation irritates him. So he decided that the proper strategy was to play the game with him, meeting his gaze and holding it firmly. It was a staring contest. 

“Not that I’m complaining or anything. I know a lot more people have it way worse but, still, I mean, losing your leg sucks. Not being able to dance or play soccer. My boyfriend helps. And friends like Johnny here…” Donghyuck nods towards the boy. He still doesn’t look away from Taeil. “So...Yeah,” Donghyuck continued. He was looking at his hands, which he’d folded into each other, “that’s what’s up.”

“We’re here for you, Donghyuck,” Changmin said. “C’mon guys.” Then they all in a monotone, said, “We’re here for you, Donghyuck.” The staring contest continues a few more seconds until, “Does your friend want to speak?” This caused Youngho to momentarily look away. _Aha._ He lost the contest! Taeil smiles, flicking his eyebrows up to say _I win._ Youngho smiles at him, the most radiant smile on this earth. He turns back to the group.

“Hi. I’m Seo Youngho. 21. I’m really just here at Donghyuck’s request.” 

“And how are you feeling?” asked Changmin. 

“Oh, I’m great.” Youngho smiled with a corner of his mouth. “I’m on cloud nine.” 

“Youngho, maybe you’d like to share your fears with the group.”

“My fears?”

“Yes.”

Youngho thinks about this, “Well... I intend to live an extraordinary life. I want to be remembered. If I’m scared of anything it’s not doing something and being unaware of what’s happening.”

Changmin seems lost. “Would anyone like to speak on that?” Taeil decided to speak. He half raised his hand and Changmin's surprised yet delighted, immediately said, “Taeil! This is unexpected.”

Taeil takes a second to gather his thoughts. He looks over at Youngho, who looked back at him. “I want to say that,” he begins, “there will be a time when all of us are dead. All of us. Nobody’s safe.” Youngho’s more fixed on him than before. “It might be tomorrow, in a few years but it’s going to happen. Generations come and go, no human being will remain to remember anyone or species that ever existed. There will be no one left to remember the presidents or the most famous boy group bands, let alone me or you. The legacy we leave behind, the structures, writing and discovery will be forgotten.” 

The look on Youngho’s face is unreadable and Taeil continues, “I suggest you ignore whatever scares you. It’s inevitable.” After he finished, there was a long silence then an enormous smile spread across Youngho’s face, a surprised one, a real one. 

Youngho quietly said, “Aren’t you something.”

In the end, Changmin led them in a prayer and it was over. Taeil stands up, stretching after sitting in one spot and sees Donghyuck going at it with his blonde hair boyfriend, he assumes it’s Mark, sucking each other’s face like there’s no tomorrow in the corner of the room. Youngho pushed himself out of the chair and walked over to Taeil, towering over the older, but kept his distance so he didn’t have to crane his neck to look at the boy in the eye. 

“What’s your name?” Youngho asked. 

“Taeil.”

“No, your full name.”

“I could ask you the same, _Johnny_.”

“Youngho’s my Korean name and Johhny’s my American name,” he explains, “Donghyuck is the only that calls me by my American name because he’s stubborn.” Taeil nods. 

“Now, what’s your full name?” 

“Moon Taeil.”

Youngho nods to himself, smiles, eyes still fixated on Taeil. 

“What?” Taeil asked. 

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Youngho half smiled, “Because you’re pretty,” Taeil’s taken back, no one’s ever said that to him before. That’s a lie, receiving compliments from Doyoung, Taeyong or Jungwoo is not the same as receiving compliments from a random beautiful boy. An awkward silence ensued, “I enjoy looking at pretty people and things.” 

Taeil kind of sigh that was vaguely coughy, “I’m not pre-” 

“Yes, you are. The prettiest boy I’ve seen.” 

Honestly, Taeil’s kind of turned on by Youngho. He didn’t think that a guy - like, in real life - can turn him on. Taeil’s about to speak when he hears a pair of giggles coming from the corner of the room, their attention turns to Donghyuck and his boyfriend. Mark has Donghyuck pinned against the wall, kissing him rather aggressively. 

“What’s up with them?”

Youngho says, “They’re firm believers in PDA.”

Taeil chuckles, “I can see that.”

“At least you don’t have to experience the young love in its many-gorgeous awkwardness in your house. Mark sneaking Donghyuck in at 3 am, as if I won’t hear them.”

“Oh,” Taeil’s surprised, “Mark’s your brother?” 

Youngho nods, “did you get my note?”

Taeil looked down at himself, he bit his lip with a short aggression, keeping his eyes glued on the floor, “Yeah, I did.” he tangled his fingers together, twisting them to distract himself from looking up into Youngho’s eyes. 

“Moon Taeil, you need to go back to your room.” an unfamiliar voice said from the doorway. It’s a nurse to take him back after the meeting. 

“Okay, just a minute…” Taeil smiled with ease at Youngho, his smile fading when he remembered their situation, “if you wanna talk, you need to do it fast, because -”

“- Taeil! Now!” the nurse said again. 

“I can walk you to your room, if that’s okay?” Youngho spoke up, causing Taeil to nod a few times, maybe a little too quickly. They ended up walking side by side, bumping sides a few times from the close proximity but neither of them minded. 

“I’m a university student…” Youngho started the conversation once they were down the hall. Taeil turned his head to look at him, eyes delicately tracing over Youngho’s features. Taeil simply hums as a response, since he wanted to be petty as he waited for an apology. 

“... and I guess I get really grumpy when I’m under pressure to meet a deadline. I’m sensitive about people, who aren’t my parents, getting involved with my shit. I guess the fact that you mentioned my hypothesis when I wasn’t sure if it was proven or not, made me feel stupid… I felt more pressure, and I’m already bad when it comes to science, so my mind took your question the wrong way…” He rambled on, Taeil stared at Youngho’s hands, wondering what the consequences would be if he reached down to hold them. 

He muttered, shrugging, “I forgive you.”

Youngho looked entirely puzzled, his place starting to slow down. 

“You forgive me?”

“Yeah, it’s not a big deal,” he shrugs and giggles, “plus I shot you causing you to drop the doughnuts”

“It kind of is, and I don't think you understand how sorry I am. The doughnut incident is nothing, really.”

“Are you trying to start another fight, doughnut boy?” Youngho squinted his eyes at the smaller boy, both of them stopping in the hall with bright windows, leaning on opposite sides to stare at each other. 

“Let’s not talk about that,” Youngho rolled his eyes. 

“No can do, my friend. That was so fucking funny, I -” 

Taeil cut himself off with an innocent laughter, his hand over his heart, pain rising in his chest from how hard he was laughing. Youngho pouts and Taeil cooed at him, sending the taller into a bigger pout. 

“You’re a baby…” Taeil adds in between laughter. 

“I’m probably older than you!” Youngho crossed his arms this time, Taeil sticking his tongue out. They established that Taeil was older, which made Youngho’s mouth drawn into a bigger pout. “We’re friends?” Youngho asked a few moments later as they walked to where Taeil’s room was. 

“What?” Taeil didn’t look at him, but he could tell Youngho was uneasy, just by the sound of his voice.

“Earlier, you said, ‘my friend’... I’m wondering if you meant it.” 

Taeil stopped to look at him, Youngho followed his action. Youngho could see the goosebumps on Taeil’s neck, he’s sure they were on his neck too. “Do you wanna be my friend?” Taeil whispered. Youngho’s eyes soften at the boy, tugging his lips into his mouth. 

“Yes, I do." His head quickly bobbed back and forth, eagerness was the only word he knew. Taeil’s eyes were lit up with more sun. 

“We’re friends. You still have to make up for the rude words you said the other day!”

“You said you forgave me?”

“Well… I changed my mind. You’ll have to earn forgiveness by sneaking me pork belly, because I got in trouble yesterday so they put me on a healthy diet…” Youngho planted his hand on Taeil’s shoulder, shoving him lightly as they both laughed. Taeil peaks into the room and sees Doyoung waiting with a salad and water. 

“I’ll see you…” Taeil tries to think, “Later? Tomorrow?”

“Soon,” Youngho said.

“Soon.”


	5. Sorry

Youngho slides into the locker room just as everyone’s changing into their practice uniforms. He thinks they’re stupid for not showing up in it but remembers some of them have classes prior to practice. He drags his feet towards Yuta’s locker, where he sees the Japanese boy assisting Jaehyun in putting his cleats on. 

“You’re supposed to make them tight, Jaehyun! They are cleats!” Yuta groans as he finishes tying his shoes, and moving onto the other foot. Jaehyun swears under his breath and then laughs, realizing how silly it was for him to have Yuta tie his shoes. Youngho leans his head against the locker as he slides his socks up to his shins. 

“Three minutes and you all better be on the field!” Youngho twists his head to shout out to the rest of the team - who begin to pick up their speed. He sits down on one of the wooden benches and tells Yuta to warm up the team while he clears his head. He's a bit distracted, it definitely doesn’t have anything to do with Moon Taeil. 

Upon stepping onto the track, Youngho nearly gets shoved over by a bouncy Jaehyun bumping their hips together. “Even though you’re in charge here… Doesn’t mean you can be late…” Jaehyun pokes his tongue out and Youngho lifts his hand into a fist, making Jaehyun jump away. 

“How’s the hospital these days?” Yuta joins them a moment later, almost out of breath. He knows what Yuta means, he’s the only one that knows about the Taeil situation, Yuta gave him the idea on how to apologize. 

“It’s good... Kind of slow, but…”

“The patient?”

Something flushes over Youngho, he blames the heat. 

“Just a friend.”

Yuta rolls his eyes and moves his feet to the side, pinching at Jaehyun’s hips, ushering the boy to move a little faster. He does it quickly because soon he’s back at Youngho’s side. 

“Sure… Just a friend.”

〰 

Youngho knocks, pushing the door open. Taeil’s sitting up on his bed, legs crossed, hands in a grabby motion. He sends the boy a small smile. Taeil’s eyes widened when Youngho pulled out two different containers of Pork Belly from his backpack. 

“You actually brought it?” Taeil beamed, running his hand through his thick hair. 

Youngho furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, “Of course, I said I would, didn’t I?” Taeil shrugs, warmth spreading throughout his body, doing wonder that even the blankets can’t do. His lips tugged into his mouth a second later, staring at both versions. 

“Do you have a preference? I didn’t have your number, so I couldn’t text you and ask.” Youngho’s voice became lower and it was odd for the boy to hear, it made Youngho seem like a badass. Taeil shook his head, popping the lid off the container and grabbing the fork. 

“Thank, Youngho…” he offered the seat to his right, where Doyoung had been sitting a few seconds before he was kicked out. The atmosphere was awkward, more than awkward for both of them. They felt some sort of string tugging from each end, pulling them close together. 

Youngho’s mother entered, her eyes widened at the sight of her son in Taeil’s room. “Youngho?” She gasped, a few volunteers trailing behind her. Youngho swallowed, giving her a little wave. Her face was unreadable but her eyes read different things, it shouldn’t scare Youngho to the core but it did. 

“Youngho, can I speak to you?” She excused herself, asking the volunteers to patiently wait for her. Youngho’s blood was pounding in his head, his mom has rarely spoken so sternly. It was different from when he got in trouble for breaking the window, failing his exam, or when he got caught sneaking out, it was completely different. 

She held onto his wrist until they were in one of the empty rooms. “What are you doing in his room?” she shut the door behind Youngho, moving back to look at him. 

“I was just… He’s my friend. I was just paying him a visit.” His heart was starting to pound heavily against his chest, confusion rushing through him. She pinched the bridge of her nose, sighing, “you shouldn’t be in there, Youngho…” 

Youngho scoffed, “why not?” parting his mouth open in shock. Maybe he said it with too much attitude because it was his mother’s turn to scoff. 

“Do what I say, and go home before I get your father.”

“I am 21 years old. I am grown.”

Pure disgust was written on Youngho’s face, and he might’ve overdone it but he rolled his eyes and walked toward Taeil’s room again. 

“Seo Youngho!” she whispered. 

“I’m getting my backpack and my keys, my god! I’ll go home!” He opened Taeil’s door and slid into it. Mrs. Seo and her group of volunteers were a few steps behind him. Youngho’s eyes slid over Taeil’s for a second, sending him an apologetic look, before grabbing his things, leaving the food behind, and walking back out the door. Youngho’s sure that he heard a disappointing sigh from the older who’s slouching heavily in his bed. 

_What the fuck is wrong with my mom?_

Youngho knows he shouldn’t be this annoyed but he is and he doesn’t want to be lectured when she gets home. He prays Mark does something to piss her off so he doesn’t get yelled at in a few hours. 

〰 

It’s been a few hours since Youngho left the hospital. He’s taking out his books and laptop from his backpack when he sees a number on a sticky note on his laptop… He’s wondering which of his friends did that. Soon he had an idea of who it can be. 

**[To: Unknown]**

hello?

who’s this?

**[From: Unknown]**

you texted me first lmao… who’s this

**[To: Unknown]**

youngho

**[From: Unknown]**

who?

**[To: Unknown]**

seo youngho 

is this taeil?

**[From: Unknown]**

yes, who r u 

**[To: Unknown]**

i just said… it’s seo youngho 

**[From: Unknown]**

who??

**[To: Unknown]**

i fucking….

….doughnut boy…

**[From: Unknown]**

RIGHT RIGHT, hey :D

Youngho’s smiley, a touch of shyness that makes warmth rush through him. 

**[From: Moon Taeil]**

why’d you wait so long to text me :(

**[To: Moon Taeil]**

i didn't know who’s number it was?

**[From: Moon Taeil]**

oh, so you meeting other patients now??

**[To: Moon Taeil]**

hahaha funny

my mom kicked me out 

**[From: Moon Taeil]**

i saw 

**[To: Moon Taeil]**

i'm sorry 

**[From: Moon Taeil]**

stop apologizing 

thanks for the pork belly^^ <3

**[To: Moon Taeil]**

are u even supposed to be eating that

**[From: Moon Taeil]**

hmmm 

**[To: Moon Taeil]**

Taeil. 

**[From: Moon Taeil]**

will you be by tomorrow?

as in visiting your dad or something… 

**[To: Moon Taeil]**

i’ll let you know later?

**[From: moon taeil]**

yup yup :]

Before Youngho could answer, he heard a car park in the driveway. He looked out through one of the windows, it’s his mother's car. His heart starts to heavily pound against his chest again, he quickly goes out through the back door, putting on his headphones into his ears and starts jogging. 

Sweat beads on Youngho’s forehead, making his hair uncomfortably stick. As the minutes past, he picks up his speed to feel his heart thump aggressively in his chest. He pulls himself to sprint, keeping that speed for a good thirty seconds, before slowly going back to a jog. Youngho finds himself beginning to think more and more -- and maybe a little too much about Taeil. The same Moon Taeil he’s known for a little over two days. 

His mind stretches as he wonders why Taeil’s even in the hospital in the first place. He hasn’t asked around, and his parents haven't spoken on the subject, Youngho can’t help but wonder. He tries to remember if his parents have talked about Taeil but there’s nothing. He wishes he would’ve paid attention before. The thoughts turn to pulp as he comes up to Yuta and Jaehyun's apartment, slowing himself to jog in place. 

He knocks on the door, there’s a screech from inside, which Youngho can tell is Jaehyun. It takes the boys a few seconds, but soon Yuta opens the door just to lean up against it. Jaehyun sighs when he realizes it’s not some creep. 

“You scared Jaehyun, we’re watching a horror film,” Yuta said as he let the sweaty boy in. Jaehyun pops into Youngho’s view, a goofy smile on his face, “hey.” 

Yuta tries to read the stress on his friend’s face, but he can’t find much. Youngho looks blank. 

“Wanna join us?” Youngho’s eyes move back and forth between the running shoes on his feet, to the door, to the boy's couch. He lets out a short sigh, before throwing himself on the comfortable couch. 

Youngho stares at the ceiling, unable to sleep. He pulled out his phone and clicked it so it would display the time: _1:50 am_ , he wonders if Taeil’s awake. He’s still on his best friend's couch, he didn’t want to go back home because things felt weird at home. Youngho told Yuta and Jaehyun about Taeil, all they said was to be careful… He gets it, he’s a patient but he’s friendly. Youngho can tell the older deserves a lot. He wants to know the boy, he can’t stay away no matter how much he pulls away. 

_Oh boy._

ღ

Taeil’s hips lean up against the window, hammering his eyes across the city. There’s something about the night time that makes Taeil’s soul feel more relaxed and comfortable. He thinks it has to do with the fact that he finally gets to be alone, with no one poking at him, sending him around the hospital for more tests, Doyoung nagging him to be careful. 

He finds himself looking further out toward a neighborhood, wondering if Youngho lived nearby or if he lived quite far out or if he lives on his own without his parents' support. He doubts it. He feels a pain on the right side of his chest, soon moving over to the left side. 

“Just sit down,” he softly said to himself, rubbing his hand across his chest but he doesn't want to. He wants to go out, not just to his class or the small stores, he wants to see the world. Instead he’s trapped in this white room filled with machines, awkward flowers and occasionally fun doctors. 

His mind wanders back to Youngho, who’s given him a little bit of freedom even if it was the bare minimum. He knows it’s not fair to say but Taeil wishes his friends nag him about doing something fun, going against Doyoung’s word. Anything. Rain soon hits the window, causing the city to go blurry. As well as Taeil’s thoughts. 

His phone buzzes. 

**[From: Youngho]**

Hey, you still up?

**[To: Youngho]**

yea i never sleep

what’s up?

**[From: Youngho]**

i just wanted to let you know that i won’t be able

to come see you tomorrow or the next day, or ever. 

**[To: Youngho]**

what are you talking about 

**[From: Youngho]**

my mom says it’s wrong of me to get involved with

you and i should have no contact with you

**[To: Youngho]**

does she know you’re texting me?

**[From: Youngho]**

let’s keep that a secret but i shouldn’t be talking

to you, so i’m going to distance myself

i’m sorry about everything. 

**[To: Youngho]**

no it’s fine, youngho 

we can talk over the phone or maybe

hang out on my days out?

He sighs when the boy doesn't respond. 

**[To: Youngho]**

youngho? :((

ok see you soon, i guess. 

He shuts off his phone, finally lets himself crawl back into his bed, curling up into his pillow before wishing this was a dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think and leave kudos if you're enjoying it!!


	6. Miss You

Taeil changed into his boxers and put on his gown before he crawled under the covers of his hospital bed. Doyoung and Taeyong are there, staring at him again. They felt like something’s wrong but didn't know how to approach it. It’s been a week since he saw or talked to Youngho. He went on about his life: watching tv, guitar in his hand, going to Dr. Seo’s office, running around the hospital for tests, doing online school, popping pills. He doesn’t know how long until he leaves the hospital. 

He turns on his side, looking at the couple, “are you guys done staring yet? Because I need moral support right now.”

“Taeil... Are you ready to accept me back into your life?” Doyoung raised his eyebrow. 

Taeyong chuckles, “what does that even mean?”

“He kicked me out almost a week ago because his new _friend_ was here.”

He chuckles, “okay, well, now him and I aren't talking so.”

The couple looked surprised, soon Doyoung’s face turned into a frown, “wait… what the hell? You KICKED me out to hang out with him now you’re not even talking.”

“Yeah, Mrs. Seo, his mom, said he can’t be around me.” Donghyuck comes into the room with snacks he was requested by the couple.

“He listens to his mom?” Taeyong asked. 

Taeil answered, quietly, “I would.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I’m offended he won’t text back.” 

Donghyuck speaks up, “you need to get high.”

“I should.”

Doyoung glares at the boys, “Donghyuck, shut the fuck up. Taeil, you don’t need to get high. You can feel happy without drugs.”

The four boys spend the rest of the time talking about random things: the bakery, school, Donghyuck’s surgery, and conspiracy theories even if Doyoung thinks they’re stupid. Visiting hours are over: Doyoung and Taeyong are getting ready to leave, Donghyuck has to go back to his room to prep for tomorrow’s surgery. 

“We’ll come to visit you after your surgery,” Doyoung said as he pats Donghyuck’s shoulder. Taeil shoots him a genuine smile and thumbs up. They say goodnight and leave Taeil all alone. He checks his phone as if he’s expecting Youngho to text him. 

_Buzz._

**[From: Youngho]**

you up?

Taeil unlocks his phone and types up a response, too quickly for his liking. 

**[To: Youngho]**

i never sleep 

**[From: Youngho]**

u should tho :(

**[To: Youngho]**

but wouldn’t you be upset if i didn’t respond?

**[From: Youngho]**

true.

**[To: Youngho]**

so what’s up?

**[From: Youngho]**

i just miss you

**[To: Youngho]**

we barely know each other and youre

not supposed to be talking to me

**[From: Youngho]**

okay…

**[To: Youngho]**

like?? u said it yourself and

now youre back, giving me false hope lol

**[From: Youngho]**

i know i’m sorry 

**[To: Youngho]**

do you wanna see me?

**[From: Youngho]**

yes 

[ **To: Youngho]**

are u willing to find a way?

**[From: Youngho]**

yea

**[To: Youngho]**

ok bring a board game

**[From: Youngho]**

okay… 

**[To: Youngho]**

if you wanna see me, bring a board game

and we can make this work. 

**[From: Youngho]**

now?

**[To: Youngho]**

If you want idk.. i'll meet you in the kids

playroom, your parents never go there

**[From: Youngho]**

i’m scared 

**[To: Youngho]**

of what, u big baby -.-

**[From: Youngho]**

of my mom catching me, geez

**[To: Youngho]**

i’ll protect you

**[From: Youngho]**

sure little one… what game do u like 

**[To: Youngho]**

anything :]

Taeil could spot Youngho’s bright yellow hoodie from a mile away, so much for trying to be secretive. Taeil’s resting up on the couch in the room where sick kids play, where families could visit them, the tv sounds echoed from the lack of kids that are in their bed, somewhere Taeil should be. It’s late and visiting hours had ended a while back, but Youngho was allowed because he told the front desk lady that he was dropping something off for his father. 

“You did make it?” Taeil poked his head out from the blanket he was wrapped in. 

Youngho rolled his eyes. 

“Stop doubting me…” a whine left his mouth as he sat down, taking a glance over at the door. Taeil pressed his cold hand against Youngho’s cheek a second later, pushing his face to look in front of him. Youngho gasps, confused at the sudden contact. 

“Don’t worry… No one comes over here this late.” 

Taeil gave him a weak smile and kicked his feet up so he could sit criss cross on the couch. Youngho spots the wires poking out of Taeil’s gray sweater, a large shape taking its place on his hip. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t want to make the boy uncomfortable. 

“You brought scrabble?” Taeil’s hand spread across the board, his mouth widened and his eyes seeking curiosity, a smile plastered into his hoodie. Youngho smiled back, slowly nodding and stuffing his hand into his bright hoodie. 

The night wasn’t awkward, and both of them were thankful for that. 

“You’re a fat loser, Seo Youngho!” Taeil jumped up when he won, throwing his fist up in the air. He stood up, sticking his tongue at the boy who was now slouching in his chair. Taeil’s sweater lifted by the slightest and a crashing sound of a small device bounced off the walls. 

Both of them froze, the boy didn’t know what to do so Taeil immediately rushed down to grab it, and put it back into his waistline. Youngho gulped hard, his eyebrows furrowed together. Taeil stared back at the younger with worry, his lips tugged back into his mouth. Thousands of thoughts were crossing Youngho’s mind but all he focused on was how uncomfortable Taeil looked. 

“We don’t have to talk about it…” Youngho said softly, beginning to pack up the game. Taeil thanked him as he sat back down, proceeding to assist Youngho in the cleanup process. They sat on the couch, Youngho placed his head on Taeil’s shoulder, and just watched whatever was playing on the TV at this hour. Taeil hears small snores and smiles to himself, _he’s asleep_.

_God this dumb giant boy is getting to me._

Something’s telling him not to let him go, Taeil’s scared of pushing him away before he gets the opportunity to have a genuine friend. 

〰 

Taeil found his way to Donghyuck’s room on the fifth floor, knocking even though the door was open, and a woman’s voice said, “Come in.” It was a nurse who was doing something to Donghyuck’s eyes. 

“Hey, Hyuckie.”

And he asked, “Mark?”

“No... It’s Taeil-Hyung.” 

“Oh,” he said. “Hi il-Hyung, come over here so I can see you. I haven’t opened my eyes since I left the OR.” Taeil took a few steps toward the bed, pulled a chair up and sat down, taking Donghyuck’s hand. 

“How you feeling?” He asked 

“Okay,” he responded. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Taeil asked. He looked down at his hand because he didn’t want to look at this new leg. Donghyuck bit his nails and Taeil could see some blood on the corners of his cuticles. Taeil knows the younger does that when he’s nervous about something. 

“Mark hasn’t even visited,” he said. “We got into a fight a few days before the surgery. I made a joke about dying because of cancer, and he was so angry, he looked like a volcano about to erupt and told me to leave. It hurts.” 

The nurse finished doing whatever she was doing, stepped back. “It’s been a few days since the fight and a few hours since you got out of surgery, Hyuck,” she vaguely said, “give him and yourself time to heal. He’ll come around, you’ll see.”

The nurse left. “Is she gone?”

“Yeah,” Taeil said and Donghyuck finally opened his eyes. He can tell that he’s avoiding looking at the prosthetic. Taeil decides to cheer him up, “I’m going to stick you with this needle now. It might be a little ouchie.” 

“Is my wittle baby sickywicky?” he answered. Taeil laughed, he looked at Donghyuck who’d mouth tightened, he could see the pain. “Honestly, I thought a hell more about Mark than my leg. Is that crazy?”

“It’s a little crazy,” Taeil admitted. 

“I believe in true love, don’t you? I don’t believe everybody gets to not get sick or whatever, but I do think everybody should have true love, and it should last as long as your life does.” 

“Yeah,” the older nodded. Although Donghyuck is dramatic about the small fight, he agreed. The younger’s speech was slowing down, “I just wish the whole cancer thing never happened sometimes.”

“I’m sorry,” 

Donghyuck’s head turned to the side, “I’m tired.” and just like that Donghyuck had fallen asleep due to all the medication. Taeil runs through the young boys' messy curly hair, placing a kiss on his forehead before leaving. He looks at his phone, _(1) unread message from Youngho_. 

**[From: Youngho]**

u left me :(

**[To: Youngho]**

u fell asleep on me bimbo 

**[From: Youngho]**

u still left >:(

**[To: Youngho]**

ure parents needed me so i had to leave

i’m protecting u remember 

**[From: Youngho]**

thank you for the blanket

where should i leave it?

**[To: Youngho]**

keep it :) 

**[From: Youngho]**

ARE YOU sure

[ **To: Youngho]**

yes ~ also hyuck's out of surgery

it went well. he’s finally NEC

**[From: Youngho]**

NEC??

**[To: Youngho]**

no evidence of cancer 

**[From: Youngho]**

Oh, i mean he's legless.

so that’s unfortunate. 

ღ

Youngho stops on the fifth floor before he leaves the hospital to head home and prepare for his game. Room _234_ . Room _234_ . Room _234_ . _Aha, room 234._ He pushed the door open and voiced his arrival, the brown curly hair boy looked like he just woke up. 

“Good-morning, sleeping beauty,” he joked as he ruffled his hair up. Donghyuck groans and attempts to hit Youngho. 

“What are you doing here? Don’t you have practice?” Donghyuck squinted his eyes, attempting to sit up but couldn’t. 

“Yeah, but I wanted to see you how you’re doing.”

“I’m good,” he stays quiet after. 

“Hey, Mark will visit you soon,” Youngho tried to reassure him, “you know how he is. He’s sensitive to these things.”

“Yeah, I know.” Youngho placed his hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze, “on the bright side, you have a cool new leg, you’re like half a robot now.”

Donghyuck whines trying not to laugh at the lame comment, “GOD JOHNNNNY!”

〰 

Jaehyun catches the ball with his hands, making Youngho throw his hands up from the other side of the street. “I don’t have time for distractions!” Youngho ran his hand over his face out of pure irritation but Jaehyun stubbornly stood with a hand on his hip. 

Jaehyun counts to five in his head, knowing that Youngho will cave in and walk over but Jaehyun’s plan backfires when Youngho sits on the curb across the way. Jaehyun’s fighting with himself, going back and forth complaining and sitting next to his friend. He goes to the older and drags his feet to join Youngho.

“Hyun?” Youngho steals the ball from him and holds it between his thighs, letting it bounce. “Do I seem distracted to you?” Jaehyun turns to glare at Youngho, “a bit… why are you asking?” He just shakes his head, it begins to rain but calms down shortly. 

“Any particular reason why you didn’t ask Yuta?” Jaehyun pulled on his friend’s sleeve, gently asking for the truth. Youngho cranes his neck down and rubs it, trying to get rid of the pain that’s growing. 

“He said I seem distracted, and I have no idea why… He’s kinda been an asshole to me for a few days now, telling me to snap out of my thoughts I’m drowning in.” 

Jaehyun looks forward, watching the leaves drag across the ground. The wind mixed with the rain was a bit much for them, making the boys feel a little chilly underneath their sweatshirts. Jaehyun tucks his hands into his sleeves for warmth. 

“Yuta can be kind of an asshole sometimes. He’s just serious about playing, about soccer, and he did tell me you seem a bit off, like I said earlier, you do... I just don’t think it’s enough to get to you, you know?” Youngho tilts his head and smiles at Jaehyun, who’s soon scoffing at the rain. 

“It’s Taeil, isn’t it?” Jaehyun stands up and holds his hand out, waiting for Youngho to grab it and the older boy does. He doesn’t give a clear answer, all he gives is a shrug. 

  
  



End file.
